# Breaking up house keeping



## nannypattyrn (Aug 23, 2015)

Kind of a bitter sweet day when you realize the only living parent between us has had to give up years of "stuff" that have taken a life time to accumulate and use is finally over and is being disposed of. Jim's dad is our only "blood " parent living and he's 85 this year and his step mom is 87. We benefitted , but it's still kind of sad. They have moved to assisted living.


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## dawg53 (Aug 25, 2015)

nannypattyrn said:


> Kind of a bitter sweet day when you realize the only living parent between us has had to give up years of "stuff" that have taken a life time to accumulate and use is finally over and is being disposed of. Jim's dad is our only "blood " parent living and he's 85 this year and his step mom is 87. We benefitted , but it's still kind of sad. They have moved to assisted living.


It IS sad. I can relate, my mom is 90 and is afraid to leave her house and belongings, and is always worrying about something when there is nothing to worry about. She likes her independence, but it's coming back to haunt her.


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## nannypattyrn (Aug 23, 2015)

Yep, Pop was just ready to get rid of everything, some he didn't even remember having. Barb was clinging and this was 2nd marriage for both , and 2 sets of grown children, it's been harder. My hubs and his brother are one set and her 3 were a different story. I just hope hers don't get upset between themselves. The hubs and his bro. were in agreement with whatever his dad wanted.


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## dawg53 (Aug 25, 2015)

We cant afford assisted living or nursing home. My mom has acknowledged that she'll let us know when she's ready to move in with us. You already know that I have caretaking experience. My wife Sharon was a Medical Assistant and caretaker for her mom as well. It will work out well for her when she decides to make the move.


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## nannypattyrn (Aug 23, 2015)

Assissted care is horrible pricey. They actually have a living center called the Baptist Village in their town that costs no where near what regular assissted care costs. We are so grateful for that. They are treated well, fed, and still have their independence and privacy. I don't know of anything where quite like it anywhere else.


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## robin416 (Sep 8, 2013)

When my in-laws faced that my BIL built them a little cottage on his property. My MIL had been downsizing for years before that so the move to the cottage was very doable. Both left this earth from that little cottage.


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## nannypattyrn (Aug 23, 2015)

We offered to put them a small mobile home on our place, but they didn't want to leave the only town that they've ever lived in. Pop lived in a small town where Jim's brother was living in while he was in H-way Patrol, but moved right back when him and step mom married a little over 20 years ago. I dont blame them,it would be esp. traumatic for Barb, who doesn't do change well at all. They would be like Dawg's mom if they didn't have the living facility that they have now.


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

I had patients in assisted living. Some of those places are so nice I would gladly move in there. Yeah, $3k a month. However, I was telling my dad if mom had to go into assisted living, he could sell the house and move in there too . Think of it as a resort. Even linen napkins. They do up holidays real nice as well. I've seen the apartments and they are nice because a person can move their own furniture in there. They can even take their dog.

Anyway. It's tough when they get old or getting old. There's less options when there should be more. I've seen parents and spouses taken care of at home and it's hard. The lucky ones have someone come in for 4 hrs a day to take care of daily hygiene etc. And give someone a break to go shopping or whatever they have to do. 

There's also some deal with Medicaid. I don't know the details but there are ways to get them to help pay for stuff. A lawyer is good to find the loopholes. 

It's a very hard and draining for everyone . For those who are still young enough, start planning for it now. My dad made the monthly payments long ago for a retirement home.
Truth be told, I don't know if I could handle life with mom without some good daily help.


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## nannypattyrn (Aug 23, 2015)

Medicaid used to pay for NH care, but I don't know if the family had to supplement or not.
Pop is staying in a church owned facility (I think, at least it used to be ) It's less than a grand a month and has all the amenities of corporate owned facilities. Barb hasn't been able to cook or clean for awhile and pop has severe COPD and has had lung cancer surgery several years ago. He's getting to where he is SOB most of the time with any exertion. He just couldn't keep up with the house, yard, cooking anymore.


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

That's good to know.


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## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

My thoughts are with you,NannyPatti.It's tough.I went through that with my parents and grandmother.Now my husband's parents are closing in on 70 and we have already started planning because you never know...


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

While cleaning an elderly's lifetime of stuff they've accumulated, don't forget to look for those antiques that could make you rich and famous.


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## nannypattyrn (Aug 23, 2015)

Karen, most of that stuff was given away when we lost his mom. He had a few old tools, but not much that was worth much. They had a good life but never much material goods. My hubs and his brother got what stuff he had years ago and my daughter who was the first and only granddaughter while mom was alive got her wedding ring which she turned around when the 2nd granddaughter came along, had earrings made for her.


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## robin416 (Sep 8, 2013)

Ah heck, Patsy your mention of the wedding ring hit me. When my MIL got her terminal cancer diagnosis she asked me if I wanted it. It broke my heart and I started blubbering like a baby. Of course I told her I'd be honored to have it and would cherish it.


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## nannypattyrn (Aug 23, 2015)

Thx CQ! Your folks must be just a few years older than we are.
I got my mothers wedding rings when she passed in 1882. I keep them in a safe deposit box at our bank with some other things.
That's a special treasure. Robin .


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## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

When my father died there were rings and other items in his safe deposit box,hidden away.I gave a man's diamond ring to my son,my mother's wedding ring to my daughter and kept my grandmother's ruby ring to wear myself but now my fingers are too fat so I put it our safe for my first granddaughter's sweet 16 in 15 yrs.There was also a solid gold pocket watch in there.It's old and noone told me anything about it,who's it was,where it came from and why-maybe a retirement gift and I don't know have anybody to ask.I've been thinking of taking it somewhere to have it appraised because I want a horse.Wanted one my whole life and I'm getting old so if I'm gonna get a horse it's got to be sooner than later,I've got RA, and with that you don't know how long your joints will work and how long you have with manageable pain.I'm gonna need to be able to climb on and off a horse and care for it.Who knows,a horse might be excellent physical therapy!


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

Your absolutely right to want a horse and they are good therapy. Hope it works out.


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