# Question about friendship



## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

I don't know what to do. I've had a friend for 36 years. The first 20 we were very close. The last 10 were visit about twice a year. My daughter never liked her because she can be a bit fakey at times like everything is always wonderful. But that's neither here or there.

Last year I went to spend the night and at the door we agreed NOT to talk about POLITICS which is fine with me because I don't to anyone about it outside my family. Ever.

At dinner she mentions that soon we will have no healthcare and everyone will die. I said no we won't. She got angry and started peppering me with questions and I just kept saying "no comment". She said I have no comment because I really don't have any answers and her sources are better than mine because she pays a lot for her subscriptions to worthy newspapers. She says my sources are not news, just entertainment and a joke.. I still say I have no comment. That makes her mad and she leaves the room and gets on her laptop and then goes off to bed. 

I sit in the kitchen with her hubby and we spend a few hours talking about past fun times and boating that we did together in NY. But I felt like packing my stuff and leaving. I was very upset. 

I don't know about anyone here but if you haven't seen a friend in 6 months do you really need to texting or reading texts every few minutes for the entire visit?

Now she called and left a message that she's thinking about me. I don't really feel like calling her back. Help me see this objectively.


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## DuckRunner (Aug 24, 2017)

I'm not sure. This thing has never happened to me before. I don't really know what to say..
@chickenqueen ..?


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## dawg53 (Aug 25, 2015)

It is entirely rude to visit someone or they come and visit you no matter if it's been a long time or short time and all they do is sit there texting. Very rude!
Worrying about the future is pointless.

Karen, return her call and tell her that you are her friend and put it on the table to her, in a nice way and that you dont want to lose her friendship over politics. Politics isnt worth it. Who knows what tomorrow will bring in the world of politics, it changes day to day.
As far as no healthcare goes, tell her not to worry about it. We all might be dead and buried before it happens. 
Tell her all of this is beyond our control and the government is going to do what they're going to do whether we like it or not...no matter what party is in control and what federal judges are in office. Good luck.


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## boskelli1571 (Oct 30, 2017)

I have friends that I see rarely - they live in England. These people I would trust with my secrets and my life. We write infrequently, but when we do we can always pick up where we left off, so no, you don't have to be in contact every day.
I Fully agree with Dawg - texting while you are visiting with someone is not only rude, it is ignorant. Personally, if someone starts texting while I'm talking, I walk away.
It sounds to me like there is something going on underneath her outburst - something that has nothing to do with you, but you were the convenient pinata.
Like Dawg said, call her - lay it all out logically and without emotion, ask her if there is something wrong. Remind her that you both agreed to not talk politics.
Just b/c she reads 'better newspapers' than you doesn't mean she is better informed, it means she reads more expensive propaganda.


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## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

I agree with the above but also bear in mind that people grow apart over time.Be honest with her and remember to go forward in the friendship,not back.Cell phones and social media have destroyed many relationships.


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

Thanks. It really helps to get some perspective on the situation.


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## Steinwand (Sep 23, 2017)

I have friend/friends in a highly politically active family... they are always trying to get me and my family to support people running for office in various ways anyhoo there intire lives revolve around political things and ideas whereas ours revolve around real life and paying the bills sometimes they ask us to help at various events we sometimes do but when we don't because we have things to do they sorta boycott us even the kids ugh they want us to be like them all the time and if we aren't then we are put on the sidelines never once have they come to any of our events! Idk if this helps probably not but... forgive and forget is my motto


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

Sounds like great friends, LOL. If I was boycotted, I would stay boycotted!


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

They don't sound like friends. I'd stay boycotted.


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## boskelli1571 (Oct 30, 2017)

chickenqueen said:


> I agree with the above but also bear in mind that people grow apart over time.Be honest with her and remember to go forward in the friendship,not back.Cell phones and social media have destroyed many relationships.


What you say about cell phones and social media is interesting. I had not really thought about it, but my English friends do not take part in social media and use cells for emergency only....good point CQ


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

Interesting about the English. I imagine the Japanese don't talk to eachother anymore since they were the first ones to have texting.

So I figure I'll ask my "friend" to meet for lunch. If she checks or makes texts I'll say something about it .


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## Steinwand (Sep 23, 2017)

Another of my terrible examples is a used to be friend that i did not forgive and his mom is in hospice either dying or already dead of cancer, and i can do nothing to comfort him because of my pride...


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

That's not terrible. You not forgiving him didn't cause his mom getting cancer. 
I personally feel that everyone's mental or emotional capacities have their limits. And they are different at every situation. People are good at letting themselves feel guilty about their limits. I'm still learning how to live with mine.

I dumped my last friend because jealousy drove alot of her behavior . It came to a head when me keeping my knowledge to myself and her insisting that I say she's right. After 7 years I got tired of it. On the end she was actually getting nasty about it. 

Now with this texting/unable to keep her mouth shut about politics- friend, I feel like I should have defended myself or went home. But I guess I just didn't have enough mental capacity available to deal with it. I maybe shouldn't throw 35 years of friendship away just yet. 

OTOH, I've let alot of friends walk away during the last 25 years due to diminished mental/emotional capacity beyond my control , hiding it by keeping a distance from people, and smiling alot and not committing to anything so I don't have to cancel . I've had times where I couldn't commit to anything for anyone. Right now I've been working on having "desire" to leave the house. Not a phobia.


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## dawg53 (Aug 25, 2015)

Steinwand said:


> Another of my terrible examples is a used to be friend that i did not forgive and his mom is in hospice either dying or already dead of cancer, and i can do nothing to comfort him because of my pride...


Your conscience is bothering you and that's a good thing. Forgive him now, and offer him condolences for his mom.


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## boskelli1571 (Oct 30, 2017)

seminolewind said:


> That's not terrible. You not forgiving him didn't cause his mom getting cancer.
> I personally feel that everyone's mental or emotional capacities have their limits. And they are different at every situation. People are good at letting themselves feel guilty about their limits. I'm still learning how to live with mine.
> 
> I dumped my last friend because jealousy drove alot of her behavior . It came to a head when me keeping my knowledge to myself and her insisting that I say she's right. After 7 years I got tired of it. On the end she was actually getting nasty about it.
> ...


You do what you need to do, other people will respect it and be your friends, or not - their choice. Some of us put limitations on how much of ourselves we share - and that is fine. Other people have to learn to respect that.
This trend of sharing every emotion, meal, illness etc. is ridiculous - we all need privacy sometimes.


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## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

Yeah,what Dawg said.You have to be a big boy now,swallow your pride and go to your friend,who needs you right now.Just imagine how you would feel if you were in his shoes.He really needs a friend now.


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## Steinwand (Sep 23, 2017)

Thanks!! I did he just said thank you and that was it


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## dawg53 (Aug 25, 2015)

Steinwand said:


> Thanks!! I did he just said thank you and that was it


That's great. I'm glad you did that. Let him digest what you said to him. Give him time and dont push it, he'll come around to you.


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