# Mother (running out of patience, LOL)



## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

My mother's sister's husband died in Germany. My cousin and I are close, so she let me know and I had to tell my parents. So I call and my mother ("with state of the art hearing aids) kept asking me who, and at the 5th time I started yelling the answer. That's only some of it.

So she asks me if my cousin (my age) has ever had children. I nearly dropped the phone. I said well you know them, they came to visit about 10 years ago and both drew pictures of your dog that you have hanging on the wall. After repeating that 4 times I said that I would tell her in person on Saturday. 

I wish I never had to talk with her on the phone. 
Where is my Calgon?


----------



## Steinwand (Sep 23, 2017)

My family came from Germany 6 generations ago and were fairly wealthy when he came over he bought a lighthouse and made a resort and restaurant and his started a tool company but his son sold everything and moved to Florida ugh


----------



## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

That's a good story!


----------



## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

Get your mother a phone with closed captioning.She can read what everybody says,a win-win situation,especially for you.


----------



## Wilbur's Mom (Aug 10, 2017)

I was going to suggest on of those phones that you see on TV, you can text her in large text so she can read it. be easier on you..OR you could get a dry erase board and write on it!


----------



## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

There is manipulation in my family (Dad) that I've never really noticed before. As my post about Parents that were always less forgiving to me than my sisters so I've spent my life always trying to get their unconditional approval or love, I stopped that 2 years ago. Now because I mentioned moving to Indiana, I am their numero uno favorite now and they do not fail to mention that everytime I see them.

My daughter is now the one they're manipulating. My daughter would stand in front of a train rather then upset my mom. My daughter had been friendly with her cousin Andy until about 12 years ago he just stopped talking to her and never did again, and she doesn't know why. Prior to that he was stationed near them and was over their house all the time. 

So my daughter calls to chat with my mom and my daughter nicely says that her kids have called and said thankyou for the gifts in the past, but maybe up to a month late because she works, and they have activities and live in a busy house. My mother says to her "that's not true!" Then my daughter and her cousin Andy were very close until one day about 12 years ago he just stopped talking to her and never said why. 

My mother ended up talking to my daughter about Andy Andy Andy. My daughter said she doesn't want to hear about him and thinks he's got psycho problems because he hasn't talkied to her in 12 years. My mother says to her "now you're upsetting me" and hung up the phone. My daughter calls me crying because she upset my mother.

However, to me it appears that my dad has been "helping" my mother have cause to not have that special relationship with her. He is very manipulative . They are going overboard with affection to me because dad does not want me to move and not be here for them if something happens and they need me more than my daughter does. Well, to me that has nothing to do with me wanting to live near my daughter and spend more time with my grandkids. 

Anyway, I'm glad I see their behavior for what it is now. Makes the future more forseeable . 

So that's my gripe and I'm learning how to defend myself. Families suck. The demands etc. seem to be on my side whereas both my other sisters have never had demands to fill.


----------



## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

I'm glad I have no family except for Dale,my two kids and their families.I have two brothers but only talk to one of them.I can't imagine what you are going through and wish I could help but I'll be here so you can vent and maybe offer emotional support.Sometime you gotta do what you gotta do,whether you/they like it or not.Instead of always being on offense,go defense.What I'm thinking, you could earn a little respect if you assure them you will find the best nursing/retirement home you can for them and will visit monthly.Might give them something to think about.They may be too old to change their ways but stranger things have happened. Whatever you're doing is driving you crazy.Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results every time.Think about it.


----------



## Steinwand (Sep 23, 2017)

There is a really cool retirement home In north Florida that has everything in and they drive around in golf cars and there are like tennis courts and restaurants basically everything in a real city. If my kids put me in a "retirement" home that is where I want to be lol


----------



## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

Are you talking about the Villages?

I called my daughter last night and it was 9:45 here but 8:45 where she is and she gave the 3 kids my mother and father's phone numbers and said it was up to them to call. So of course one calls them . And my daughter and me were laughing about at least one of them will get a gift next year. 

CQ, I had to think about what taking the offense is vs defense. I got it!


----------



## Steinwand (Sep 23, 2017)

Yeah the Villages


----------



## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

The Villages is cool but it's for active seniors. They even have a dialysis office there.


----------



## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

Always remember you are their child but you are not a child anymore.When I finally put my foot down,things changed for the better but it took time and respect and hate was earned.I don't deal with the haters anymore.Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do,even if feelings are hurt as yours are.


----------



## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

I personally will like to see the area daughter is moving to before I make up my mind and my parents will not fit into that equation. I had told them before that I'm a 2 hour flight away. 

With that latest cold snap, lows near 0 or worse, I'm really having a hard time with that. I'm not crazy about my animals being cold yet there would be a lot less problem with bugs. Hubs just turned 74 and has medical problems . What about me needing help with him? At least my daughter is very attached to him like a father she never had. 

I could think about being a snowbird and have a horse trailer to cart everyone back and forth, but I'm not sure I'd like owning 2 homes.

CQ you had a good point of being on the offensive and not giving them reasons to go, but answer with choices they could make. I'm not sure I think it's fair that one sister has a drinking problem with no car, and the other lives in NY with her MIL and rarely there dirt bag husband who visits with his gf in tow. Her kids are teens now, the oldest is 17, the other 15, and there's no reason she can't move down here.

Then there's the treatment of my daughter. And having so little relationship with my daughter's kids, he has to write her a letter the kids not thanking them for gifts. It's like here we go again, the negative (father) who only approves of those who live within his control. 

So offense is good.


----------



## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

Your parents won't be around forever.It's time to set things right or you may have regrets the rest of your life after they're gone.


----------



## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

Yea. When my mom went to the hospital the first time with an attack of dementia/panic attack, all my father could talk about is his driving back and forth, taking care of the dog, the cleaning, how his life has become so much more difficult with mom not there. Then there was the time spent not going to the racetrack or Vegas because mom was sick. Nothing about poor mom being stuck in a hospital, then rehab. That's when I realized (in my 50's) that dad is all about dad. And dad makes sure that he controls mom's opinions to be his. My mom doesn't even see the manipulation. 

So I'm stuck between being resentful and being nice because they're old.


----------



## Steinwand (Sep 23, 2017)

Ugh I hate it when people get old and cantankerous


----------

