# More humor (re cat)



## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

How to Cook a Cat
A Letter to PWEETA
(People Who Enjoy Eating Tasty Animals)

Eat Anyhting that MovesQuestion: What's the best way to cook a cat? I was thinking of slow cooking one.


Cat Skinning- Making the Cut
The History of THE FINGER
Ever wonder who was the first person to flip someone off? I bet you didn't know if happened more than 2500 years ago. THE FINGER is a gift that keeps on giving special love for as long as the paper isn't rotting in a dumpster.

The day may come, for whatever reason - rioting, pestilence, famine, or just plain curiosity - you will need to eat a cat. Your very survival may depend on this handy guide. 
PREPARING YOUR CAT FOR CONSUMPTION
Since cat meat isn't commercially available in the United States (and illegal to boot), you'll probably have to prepare cat yourself. If you live in the more enlightened domains of East Asia, and can purchase cat at the local market, you may want to skip this step and proceed to COOKING YOUR CAT.

First, get a large cutting board and lay out your cat. Lop off the head, the tail and the feet with a sharp butcher's knife. These parts of the cat contain little usable meat, so toss them aside.

Next, make a longitudinal incision on the cat's abdomen. Reach your hand (wear gloves!) into the body cavity, and remove all of the internal organs. Discard them- especially the liver. It may look tasty, but the liver of a felis domesticus is frequently too toxic for human consumption.

SKINNING YOUR CAT
There’s more than one way to skin a cat- our exhaustive research uncovered two. On this site, two High School students meticulously guide you step-by-step through skinning a cat - complete with diagrams. To summarize, use a sharp knife to trim off the skin, and pull it back, snipping away at the muscle tissue. One Way to Skin A Cat

Gourmands like to skin their cats differently. They hate shun using a skining knife, calling it crude. They reccomend you grab the loose skin around the head stump, and using a pair of pliers, peel it back off the carcass like a banana, rolling it off the body. The final step before cooking is to wash the meat of stray gristle and hairs. Nobody likes cat hair in their food.

COOKING YOUR CAT
Now you are ready to cook! One USENET account recommends placing a cat in a very high powered magnetron microwave. This device supposedly can cook a cat in approximately 10 minutes- the proteins are denatured (cooked), and sugars caramelized by microwave heating. The cat may be "cooked" but will it taste good? If you've ever tried to microwave a raw hamburger, you'll know the answer is "no." For the best taste, our reader inquired about possibly slow cooking a feline. That's exactly what we at PWEETA recommend- a slow cooked Beer Roasted Cat. Other cat recipes you may enjoy are classic Cat Tamales, Cat in Spicy Ginger Sauce, and Cat Au Gratin.

BEER ROASTED CATDO NOT USE BEER
1 cat cut into roast
1 can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup
1 cube of beef bouillon
1 clove of garlic
1 Fine Irish Stout, a lot like a popular dark Irish Beer®, but NOT that brand at their lawyers' request. They alledge this article, educating others in the legal eating habits of over 100 million people world-wide, and specifically in rising East Asian markets, is "highly offensive." 

Scraped CatCover and soak cat roast in salt water for 24 hours. Drain water and then cover and soak in beer for 6 hours. Drain and place in crock pot with your cans of soup. Add a clove of garlic, and a cube of beef bouillon. If you start to slow cook your cat in the morning with your George Foreman Cooker (or it's ilk), you'll have finely cooked feline in time for supper.

If a slow cooker is not available, a cat can be baked at 350 degrees for 2-3 hours in a conventional oven and still come out pretty good. Beer Roasted Cat is fantastic served with mashed potatoes, collard greens, and fresh, homemade egg rolls. When planning a full meal just remember- cat is a course best served hot!

Skinned Cat Cat may not be the most glamorous, or tastiest of game meats, but with a little thought and preparation, Baked Cat can make the belly of the persnicketiest diner glow with home baked goodness.


CAT COOKIN' RESOURCES

NEW LINK!
ROYALTY-FREE CAT EATING PHOTOS


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## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

I'm sitting out back with my .22.Waiting for the big,orange cat....


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## dawg53 (Aug 25, 2015)

Dinner is served!


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

OH, And make sure you get all the hair off- people hate finding hair in their food.


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## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

I got the orange cat.I got it marinating now.He was so big it took 2 cans of beer to cover him.Hope he fits in my crockpot...


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## Nm156 (May 16, 2015)

Since Little Red can't lay a proper egg,i think i'll feed her to my big brown cat.


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## dawg53 (Aug 25, 2015)

Chickens are always on a cats menu, particularly big brown cats! LOL


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## zamora (May 26, 2015)

What the heck is up with those eggs?


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## Nm156 (May 16, 2015)

zamora said:


> What the heck is up with those eggs?


Defective shell gland????All her eggs have been like that,usually like the left one more than the right one.


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

As long as the eggs are normal inside I wouldn't worry.


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## dawg53 (Aug 25, 2015)

Nm156 said:


> Since Little Red can't lay a proper egg,i think i'll feed her to my big brown cat.


Here's a link that might help with pics. 
http://www.thepoultrysite.com/publications/1/egg-quality-handbook/18/misshapen-eggs/


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## Nm156 (May 16, 2015)

From that site 
Defective shell gland	Cull birds which persistently produce such eggs.

different site
http://www.alltech.com/sites/default/files/egg-shell-poster.pdf


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## Nm156 (May 16, 2015)

dawg53 said:


> Here's a link that might help with pics.
> http://www.thepoultrysite.com/publications/1/egg-quality-handbook/18/misshapen-eggs/


Thanks Dawg , i think it's a production red thing.
These are from a 21 month RIR from Meyers, all eggs ever laid from this chicken have been this way.


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## dawg53 (Aug 25, 2015)

I hear you Nm156. My birds are from Ideal. One of my Black Stars is laying eggs with extra calcium build up on the shell. I'm really not worried about bizarro eggs...food on the table lol!


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## Nm156 (May 16, 2015)

These are the ones i eat , sell the rest. "B'' shells .


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## chickenqueen (Jan 9, 2016)

1 of my hens lays eggs with a little defect at the pointy end of the egg. Tues 1 hatched a healthy chick.There's nothing wrong with the inside,it just ain't as pretty.I wouldn't cull a bird for that.


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## seminole wind (Aug 22, 2015)

I find most people I give eggs to already know the little oddities of eggs. I do keep the dirtier eggs tho


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